Secret#11 i dont know what 'perfect' is

I Googled "what is perfect?" I got several results.
Perfection is, broadly, a state of completeness and flawlessness

Perfect: Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.
one asked what is a perfect life? and was about how to craft the perfect life.
Perfect:One that describes a thing that someone exactly desires
Perfect: someone with few flaws; possessing many desirable qualities
Perfect: a non existent thing that people try to live up to or find in someone or something. Perfect doesnt exist. No one can be perfect because everyone has faults of some sort. The only thing that will ever be perfect died on a cross two thousand years ago.
Perfect: something that has no flaws. a words that contradicts itself.
Perfect A word you use to explain the person your in love with. Everything they do is just so perfect.. even their imperfections.
one said what is perfect love? which is ultimately what this post is about.
I thought i fell in what i thought to be perfect love once.
we liked eachother right from the start. but didnt know it. We'll call him MR PERFECT
i was a silly stupid girl. who made a list of everything i wanted in a guy.
he fit everything on that list. It was amazing. I thought he was the one.
he told me i was the one too..

and it wasnt just qualities on this list like it was sweet, funny etc.

although those were on the list too. but i had exact things also.

like blonde hair blue eyes, ballroom dancer, like chick flicks, strong,

plays piano, plays guitar, right down to his favorite store.

there was alot more too. it was crazy how exact it was. and how he fit it perfectly.

i thought it was amazing he liked me. he would say the sweetest things.

no one had ever said things like that to me.

because i have never thought much of myself... he made me care about myself.

he made me feel beautiful when i never did.

he made me so happy. nothing else mattered in the world.
and then those three words were spoken. i love you.

he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

i wasnt crying myself to sleep anymore.

its like all the bad things screaming in my head; when i was with him.

i couldnt hear any of it anymore.

i told him once he was my distraction. all the bad things were still going on..

but i never thought of them. only him.

this is cheesy.. but it really was a beautiful time in my life..

he was my first kiss. a kiss adds so many more feelings.

i loved him. so much. i would do anything for him.

i had that fairytale romance i had always wanted. i expected the happy ending..

i didnt get it.

he broke my heart. i shouldve expected it. I let him in.

deeper than anyone had ever gotten in.

and that day. 10-10-10. I died inside.

i have never felt pain like that. i never thought i could.

it was such a shock. all the promises that were broken...

I never thought i'd get over it.

for months i wrote him letters i never sent him.

for months i cryed myself to sleep.

faking a smile everyday. not wanting to explain whats wrong to everyone.

not wanting them to know i was sad. and unhappy with my life.

there are so many people i have to thank that helped me through it.

i would say theres still a part of me that loves him.

i might never be over it.

i dont know if it was perfect. or true love.

but it was the closest ive ever felt.

now its hard because i compare every guy with him. and what we had.

will i have someone more perfect someday?

i find that hard to believe..

i dont know what perfect is. if our love was perfect. if he was perfect.

so my question for you is what is perfect?

secret#10 i secretly knew it would happen again.

15 boys. is that normal?

to be 18. and have your heartbroken by 15 guys?

secret #9 those bruises werent from me being klutsy

i never thought it would happen to me..

but it did. my stepdad hit me once..

after it happened i didnt know what to do besides cry...

and thats what i did..

i probably cryed for an hour or so...

i know this was a short post but

i dont know what else to say..

after that. my mom decided i should get out of the house for a bit.

the choice was to move in with my dad. or my cousin..

i chose my cousin...

partly because of my stepmom.

partly because of my sisters

and how they would never leave me alone.

and my stepmom has trouble throwing stuff away

the house is so incredibly messy...

i know i really really hurt my dad when i chose to live with my cuz

i'll never be able to make that up.

i know he still loves me... but.. it'll always be there..

Secret #8 im your daughter too

my stepmom... i never clicked with her..

before she had my two halfsisters with my father

i dont think she really understood how to love..

she got mad at me for my problem. (secret4)

she had quite the temper....

and now that she has her own kids she understands a bit.

she told my grandma that she didnt understand and

now she's ruined her relationship with me forever..

she kinda has. i dont know what else to say..

thats that. thats how it is..