Secret #3 faking a smile.

Faking a smile.

i would give anything to wake up

and be happy effortlessly.

but somedays i wake up

and im just not.

i have to drag myself out of bed.

and that is definitely hard.

im sure alot of you guys have heard the quote

"Im the type of girl that can be

so hurt but can still look at you

& smile. the type of girl who is

willing to brighten your day

even if i cant brighten my own"

thats me.

yeah there's days where i break down.

i build everything up inside of me

and i just cry. and i cant stop.

i actually got sent home from work one day

cause i was crying and couldnt stop.

but i'll get there one day.

where i wont have to force a smile.

I promise.

I believe true beauty isnt possible without happiness.

So happiness is my goal. watch and see.

I will be beautiful.

Secret#2 i was never your little girl

Dad, i hate that we were never close.

You were always really close to Nerdking. my brother.

but we never were like that.

you guys would talk for hours. about computers, games, star wars. etc

we were never like that.

i have cried alot that we were never close.

im guessing it has had to do some with the divorce.

then you got married and had two daughters.

did you know that i am jealous of them?

that they got to grow up with you.

wake up in the morning and you'll be right up the stairs.

i got that every other weekend when i was small.

and never nowadays.

they are your little girls. i never was.

Secret #1 hurting has been there since day1

My parents were divorced when i was 2.

I've never known it any other way.

I've always lived with my mom

and my dad lives about a half hour away.

I have one brother who is two years older than me.

we'll call him NERDKING. i'd say it sums him up.

Ive never been close with my dad. or my mom.

alot of girl's say that their mom is their best friend.

not me. we've just never been like that sadly.

I dont feel to share the other secret that also ruined my childhood.

I was teased alot. always embarrassed and had surgery.

and now its over. thats all you need to know.

My Dad was married about a year after the divorce

now i have two half sisters.

My mom was married 3 years after the divorce.

My stepdad has 3 boys.

so 3 stepbrothers for me. yay.

one of them died when he was 5.

i never met him. wish i did.

the other two are married and Ive never been able to relate to.

My stepmom and my stepdad both have tempers.

not a fun thing to grow up with at all.

thats all for tonight. Night.